This post is something of a personal crusade of mine; be conscious about parenting with a phone. Don’t let technology and social media be more important than parenting your family. Now, I do recognize the irony of a blogger making this statement. It is too true and important to me not to talk about.
We want to record all the memories and make sure that everyone we know has the chance to appreciate our families to the degree we are certain they deserve. However, living through the lens of your phone can slowly kill the beauty that you are attempting to capture and share. I see jokes about babies thinking that their parents look like the camera of a smart phone and toddlers who are more adept at technology than adults forty years their seniors. To be honest, those jokes make my heart cry for those little people who are missing out on experiences and relationships and real memories.
I have been thinking about this topic since the birth of my second child. Why now and not after my first child’s birth? Because this time, I have a lovely toddler to bring me back to the present when I get sucked into capturing the perfect infant photo or scrolling too long on any one site. How do I balance my desire to capture and remember all the precious details of today while also living in today?
The answer is – I can’t. I can’t be fully present to help my daughter learn to interact with her baby brother or answer her question about what sound a snail makes or pay good attention to my husband’s explanation of his latest idea for our household if I am focused on my phone.* Yes, I might be able to capture a video of my infant’s brief smile to send to the family group chat, but in doing that, my infant misses out on his mommy reacting to his smile and seeing the undistracted joy and affection on my face.
I don’t ever want my children to feel that they are only doing something important or valuable if I have my phone out to record them. Maybe this is why my 1 year old daughter is not very good at smiling towards the camera on the rare occasions I say,, “Say cheese!” and yet she can tell the lady in the grocery store that the ankylosaurus has a large tail.
I don’t ever want my children to feel as though my phone was more interesting or important than they were or are. Occasionally when I have to answer emails or texts, I make sure they are fully occupied in something for at least the thirty seconds I need. Hopefully they won’t notice. And if they do need me when I am doing something time-sensitive or necessary, when I finish I make it a point to thank them for waiting patiently and setting my phone away from my person as I focus back on them. After all, because they are so essential now, we are all constantly parenting with a phone.
As a counselor, I quote studies and findings that talk about how technology has negatively impacted parenting and family life and how the more time a parent spends on social media is proportional to how negative their relationship with their teenager is. I can talk about constantly taking photos or viewing social media increases the likelihood of depression and anxiety.
But the most important thing I can say comes from my heart. No one else in the world is going to love or care about my family as much as I do. I want the memories to be clear for me because I was fully present for them. Not because my camera lens was clean. I want my family to know they are important to me because when they walk in the room technology no longer matters. They have my eye contact and my attention. My phone is set down.
Do I take far too many photos for my phone to hold? Yes, I do. But do I make a conscious decision to not constantly have my phone out. Yes, I do. I am busy doing and being and loving, not watching and recording and posting. These are constant concern on my heart while parenting with a phone.
*For more ideas on date nights to connect with your husband, click here!